One morning, walking from the parking garage to the office, I voiced in prayer an all-to-familiar complaint: “Why am I hanging around here when I seem to have done everything I was put on Earth to do? What use is a grumpy old fat man anyhow?”
I was pretty much wallowing in full blown, middle-aged petulant self-pity. But the air was hot and humid already, and the day stretched ahead with little to recommend it. My antihistamine had not yet started to work, and an old injury was acting up. And, of course, I already knew the generic answer to my question. There was obviously more for me to do on this earth.
Some 10 minutes after arriving at my desk I found myself talking to a young man who needed encouragement. He needed a witness to the reality and value of trust in God, and some perspective on how God answers prayers over time, not in an instant. This, paradoxically, was a strong, rapid, and complete answer to my own plaintive prayer not 20 minutes earlier.
Sometimes, God answers our prayers quickly. Other times, not so much. You don’t have to be a grumpy old man on a hot and humid morning to experience of that.
No, Not Now, Be patient
One problem is that “no” is an answer, as are “not now” and “be patient.” Unfortunately, more often than not these are not fast answers – they often take time to reveal themselves.
Sometimes those answers are definite and relatively quick. A hoped and prayed for job goes to someone else. The relationship falls apart. A loved one is not restored to health.
But other times the answer is not quick in coming. A lifelong ambition stays just out of reach. Or we struggle to move forward while wondering if we are chasing an illusion.
I think the most poignant (and frequent) example of these long term answers that are hard to hear comes from people who express their uncertainty by saying “If God would just give me an idea of what I’m supposed to do…”
Obedience Or Self-Will?
For some people this question is less about a genuine desire for God to give them concrete direction than it is a desire for God to ratify a decision they are uncertain about. They are simply looking for some guarantee of success. They want confidence that any obstacles they encounter will be overcome because they are following God’s will.
If only it were that simple! Such confidence may be way overblown as a quick perusal of the Book of Job shows. Walking in God’s will does not guarantee that adversities and obstacles will melt away. They may be, but it is not guaranteed.
Just as often, though, people are really unsure about how to proceed. They want to do something meaningful with their lives that will be a blessing to the world. Many people believe God has a plan for each of our lives, and they want to cooperate with that plan. They do not want to struggle with anxiety that they are somehow working against God’s will. (How detailed that plan might be and how much micro-management God does in support of it is a matter of no small debate.)
Persistent Devotion and Intransigent Self-Will
The classic parable about persistence in prayer is the story of the widow and the unjust judge in Luke 18:1-8. In this parable Jesus promises speedy answers to persistent and fervent prayer. But there is always a risk that we cannot hear an answer of “no,” or “not now,” or “be patient,” because we are confusing persistent devotion with intransigent self-will.
How can we tell the difference?
Sometimes a wise friend, a priest, or a spiritual director can help us sort this out. But sometimes the difference between what God may call us to and what we just want for ourselves can be difficult to discern. This is especially true when we want something that is a good thing. But perhaps God wants something better from or for us.
Which brings us back to prayer, and the need at times to reset our focus in praying.
Change the Prayer
If our prayers have become obsessed with something because we do not feel we are getting an answer, it may be a sign we need to change our prayers.
For instance, I might begin by admitting to God that I have been focusing on this thing for some time. I would then admit that what I have been praying about is important to me. And I would then confess that I may be having trouble trusting Him in this matter. I would then ask the Holy Spirit to enter my prayer life more directly and help me focus my prayers properly, or increase my discernment in the matter in question.
If I am still strongly called to pray, then I will trust that my call is a call to persistence. If I continue to doubt the propriety of my focus, or find my focus changing, I have to try to accept this as an answer.
No Short Cuts
There is another category of prayer that is hard to hear “no” to – a prayer of apparent surrender that is actually a refusal to take responsibility. This is related to prayers in which we ask God to ratify a decision we may be uncertain about. Instead of praying in hopes of having our desires ratified, however, in this instance we pray for God to take our responsibility to wrestle with our callings out of our hands. We ask for a revelation to relieve us of the pain and doubt of searching our own souls.
A friend of mine used to refer to this as a “road to Damascus hope” – a yearning to have a clear and definite experience of God’s will come to us in a flash. Her usual advice to people expressing this hope was to remark that “God doesn’t use cannonballs on sparrows.”
Paul tells us to “work out your salvation with fear and trembling” [Philippians 2: 12-16]. This includes living with the reality that while some prayers are easily seen to be answered, many are answered in ways that are hard to feel confident about.
When we feel frustrated by prayers that do not seem to have been answered, we must turn to humility and patience. We must consider that, being sparrows, we cannot expect unambiguous clarity in how God answers our prayers.
Focus On Being The Answer
Returning to the story I began with, one way to increase our confidence that God is answering prayers is to pray for him to help us be the answer to someone else’s prayers. There is always time and room to become a witness, to help, to give love, to show compassion, and to comfort. In doing so we can be the answer to someone else’s prayer.
Saint Francis reminds us that “it is in giving that we receive.” Becoming the answer to someone else’s prayer is a magnificent way to build our confidence that our own prayers are heard and being answered.
Lord, please grant us patience and diligence in prayer, and confidence that you hear us and answer us more completely than we may understand in this life. Amen.
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