“I am tired of praying.”
This is what I heard my friend whisper tiredly, almost unwillingly. The words hung in the air, lingering as if they were just getting used to being outside rather than bumping into each other in my friend’s mind and heart. Her shoulders drooped listlessly. One look at her and I could feel her exhaustion and dispiritedness.
I love my friend and I knew that it was not a question of faith on her part. Everybody gets tired of something at some point in their lives. It moved me to hear her say what she did because I too have said the same thing more than once: “I am tired of praying”. Once the words are out of our mouths, they become real and this is a good thing, for it is far easier to deal with the truth when we accept it rather than when choose to deny or ignore it. What follows is an open letter to someone who is loved tremendously and may just need to be reminded of such.
My Dearest Friend,
How much time has passed since we last had a heart-to-heart! Did you ever think, in your wildest dreams when we were much younger, that we would be as we are right now – wives, mothers, and women of the world? (That last one makes me laugh – sounds much more exciting than it really is, although the reality is much more meaningful, of course.) I write to you now with a bit of urgency and a great deal of compassion. When you told me the other day that you are tired of praying, you sounded….old.
There, I said it! I cannot take it back and I do not regret it, because you really did sound tired and old, in spite of the promise we made years and years ago that we would never be “old”. We could be “mature”, “of age”, “advanced in years”, but never “old”. My friend, do you not remember how we said that no matter the years that pass, we must and will always be young at heart and child-like in joy? For we both know the trials and tribulations of our time in this world, but for the children of God, as St. Teresa of Avila said, “In light of heaven, the worst suffering on earth will be seen to be no more serious than one night in an inconvenient hotel.”
Do Not Forget to Smile and Laugh
Are you thinking of that “family hotel” with the super noisy kids running around the hallway we stayed at years ago? That would certainly qualify as an inconvenient hotel, would it not? I remember you had to restrain yourself then from telling off boisterously loud children who were not yours or mine. Are you smiling yet? I can imagine you trying to stifle a giggle. Let it out! Your sense of humour is ever so important, and these days practically impossible to live without. If we take ourselves too seriously, how could we possibly get through the days and nights, the weeks and months, the years?
Remember how we used to imagine Joseph and a very pregnant Mary as they made their way to Bethlehem? Of course, that was no laughing matter, but they must have packed a lot of humour with them, along with bread and other provisions for that journey in order to make it as far as they did. I really cannot imagine the Holy Family as dour and sombre-looking, resigned to a life on the run from before Jesus was born until even years after. A great deal of faith in divine providence, coupled with a good sense of humour, would have allowed them to deal with everything one thing at a time. Your ability to smile and laugh is a vote of confidence in our Father God. Use is wisely and frequently.
An Obligation to Rest
I have to ask, but I am pretty sure I know the answer to this: are you getting enough sleep? You and I both know how undeniably crabby we are when we do not get enough rest, especially at night. If the emotional temperature our homes are dependent on whether we have a sleep deficit or not – my dear friend, it is our obligation and responsibility to get enough rest and sleep. Yes, there are times when it is not possible and we just have to go without enough sleep, but we have to make sure that apart from what is unavoidable, we are not making excuses just to get away with certain worldly distractions…such as your phone.
An Unnecessary Distraction
Oh dear, I acutely felt that dirty look you just gave me, even if I am not physically with you. Listen, if I cannot tell you these things, then who will? Your husband is a good man and loves you ever so much – without a doubt – but perhaps you do not listen to him? (I know, it’s inconceivable, right?) In any case, I can tell you that I have struggled with this myself.
I have set a time at night by which I aim to have set aside my phone and do not touch it until the next morning. Do you know how difficult it has been? The first few times I did it, I kept on imagining hoards of people sending me urgent text messages and terribly important emails that needed replies ASAP in those hours! I would wake up the next morning only to find that I had not received anything remotely important.
Even Jesus told his disciples, “Come away by yourselves to a lonely place, and rest awhile.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.” (Mk 6:31) He did not say to come away and get on your phone until you cannot stay awake – granted there were no phones then. Come on – you know what I mean. Our phones can serve a good purpose – and they can also get in the way of many good things. If being on it is keeping you from getting the proper rest and sleep you need, make time to physically set it aside. This allows you to rest your mind, and it will be worth it.
“Bosom Buddies”
Please do not think that I am minimizing your tiredness. On the contrary, I think getting to the bottom of this to better understand the “why” will help you a lot in your prayer life, which I know is extremely crucial to you. You see, tiredness and frustration are pretty good friends – just like us, only we actually love and help each other be better. Those two just lead to exasperation and hopelessness. We are so used to running around like mad women trying to save the world, we sometimes forget to make time to save the best time for really important things – like prayer.
I am guilty of this. In my own daily schedule, I have set aside time to simply be with God. You know this – we have talked about it before and I know you do it as well. It is such a big help to be able to take 15 minutes – or even half an hour! – to just be still and be with Him in prayer. Yet, I find myself putting the time off and simply moving it further and further down the day’s schedule, sometimes squeezing it in between busy and busier, or maybe not keeping that appointed time at all.
When I look back, I realize that I set myself up for failure this way, because I have basically made everything else more important than God. I know, of course, that this cannot be true. So, I have to really make that effort to set aside the best times of the day when I know I can focus best and just make time for my prayer. I know I need it far more than even I realize. After all, I am in conversation with my Father.
Just Talk to Him
I feel your pain and your tiredness, my dearest friend. So many people and things to pray for – a never-ending litany of petitions, requests, and “please, please, please”, it seems. And when you are most tired and feeling the most frustration, please know that at that moment, it is our Lord Himself Who bears you in His arms, carrying you through the most difficult moments and most trying times. You and I are closest to Him when we suffer, not nearly as much as He did, but He knows our pain. He knows how much we want to love Him and that when we say we are tired of praying, it is not because we are tired of Him.
“Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Mt 11:28-30)
Tell Him your sorrows and do not tire of doing so. Even if your lips do not move and your body is heavy, your heart and mind simply need to think of Him. Choose to be with Him. He has never forsaken either one of us; He will never do so. He is the ultimate Friend – better than Him, you will never find. But do not stop talking to Him and listening to Him because this is your act of faith in God. This is your act of hope in God. This is your act of love for God.
The Answer to Beat All Answers
Finally, if the answer to your questions and prayers still does not seem as clear cut as a definitive “yes” or a resounding “no”, remember that God Himself said, “See, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.” (Is 49:16) That is His reverberating assurance of the one thing we can be sure of and depend on: His Love.
I have you and your intentions in my heart and fervent prayers. I pray that you struggle against any fear and put all your trust in our Heavenly Father, knowing that nothing is impossible with God.
In true friendship, with great love and a ridiculous amount of affection,
Barbara
PS: Looking forward to being reminded of the same things when I too stumble into tiredness.
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